That Man Behind the Curtain: May 2015

Another month means another report on how things are going!

The Money Aspect

Amounts in parentheses are losses/expenses.

Hosting: ($17.06)
Stories: ($55.00)
Art: ($557.27)
Advertising: ($20.00)
Processing Fees: ($23.93)
Printing: ($6.25)
Donations: $77.00
Ad Revenue: $0.56
Book Sales: $153.57
Total: ($1267.41)
QTD: ($819.03)
YTD: $196.72
All Time: ($10,264.61)

As per usual, I try to list costs for art and stories under the month that the stories run on the site rather than when I pay them. Sales are for sales when they take place, not when it’s actually paid out to me. I also cover Paypal expenses when paying authors and artists.

This was mostly a typical month. The spike in art costs comes from payment for the “Postcards from the End” reward in our Kickstarter as well as the cover for our Summer 2015 quarterly.

Submissions

We are closed to submissions. Our overall rate remains at 48.52%.

Followers

Number of followers in social media as of the end of last month.

Facebook: 960 (+14)
Twitter: 393 (-21)
Google+: 55 (+2)
Tumblr: 86 (+6)
Mailing List: 38 (+0)
Patreon: 9 (-1)

Traffic

Our traffic was a little down in May. We had a total of 1,467 visits. Our traffic consisted of 1,097 users and 2,473 page views. Our highest day of traffic was 120.

This month’s search engine term is “what does my dream mean when i can’t get over a sand dune”.  Good luck, whoever you are.

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A Study of Host-Parasite Interactions

An audio recording of Dr. Harriet Park in conversation with patient GM-1725, digitally recovered by Jen R. Albert
Art by Leigh Legler


I am the very picture of health. I do not smoke. I do not eat red meat. I do not drink excessively. I exercise precisely the prescribed amount every day, never so much as a minute more. I strive to be the perfect physiological specimen. And when that day comes, when one of the Worshipful Masters deems me worthy of consumption, I hope to be an immeasurable delicacy the likes of which they have never tasted. I only hope that day is not today.

I know you no longer love the Masters as I do, but I must express to you the depth of my feelings. I am enamored with them–their slender, delicate legs, the intricate depth of their compound eyes, the sinuous beat of their antennae, the churn of their mandibles as they grind the bones of my brothers and sisters. It brings tears to my eyes. Truly. My life, my research, my years of hard work, I dedicate to them.

But now I see that it has all been for naught. Despite my most noble intentions, I have failed to be a properly dutiful servant. If the Masters were to learn what I have done, where my research has led, they would feast on me in shame, on the spot, without ritual or pleasure or seasoning. I could not bring myself to blame them.

But neither can I allow it.

You see, it is we who make them sick. You’ve witnessed this epidemic, this horrible, rampant plague that dissolves their muscles, that strips pigment from their eyes and makes their carapaces peel away. It all comes from us. It sits inside of us silently, waiting for that glorious day when we give our bodies up to the appetites of our noble conquerors from beyond. It waits in us for its chance to rise from dormancy and replicate inside of its primary host–our Worshipful Masters.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.


Dr. Harriet Park was the head of parasitology at the Glm’lek Institute for Masters Research, a Hexopoid­run facility that existed in the years leading up to the Human Liberation War in 2163. After the Great Eviction of 2167, Dr. Park was brought before the Allearth Council on charges of conspiracy and treason against the human race for her actions during the war on behalf of the insectoid invaders. She steadfastly refused treatment for the Hexo parasite, choosing instead to continue her worship of the invaders up until her council-appointed execution in 2173.


Jen lives in Toronto, Canada with one dog, one guinea pig, and one fiancé. She is addicted to reading and writing speculative fiction, and steals time to indulge in these obsessions whenever she can, usually late at night by the light of a single tallow candle. Jen puts up a respectable front and pays the bills working as an entomologist at a university in Toronto, so you could say that she’s a bit of a mad scientist herself.


Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

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As You Know

An essay by Bob, as provided by Dr. K. Kitts
Art by Scarlett O’Hairdye


Larry invited me up to his cabin to fish and drink margaritas. I knew it was smack dab in the middle of nowhere, but the GPS quit working at the two-lane blacktop, and my cell service failed once I hit dirt. According to Larry’s instructions, I still had five miles to go. The trees towered above the rut-filled road and blocked out most of the sun despite it being mid-afternoon. This was the kind of place where people film horror movies.

I should’ve turned around right then, but things had gone south with my latest girlfriend, Marcie. I needed a place to hang out for a couple of days, and I couldn’t leave my Beemer on the street. Women do mean things to vehicles when they feel they’ve been wronged. I mean really. I didn’t know the other girl was Marcie’s sister.

After a couple of miles of nothing but “no trespassing” and “private property keep out” signs, I was just about to give up when I saw a blue Ford Focus, dodging the biggest divots in the road and heading toward me. I lowered my window as Larry pulled up along side.

“Hey! You’ve made great time!” He pointed behind him. “Just keep heading up the road. I left the door open for you. I’m making a beer run.”

He didn’t drive on, but instead just kept grinning at me like the neighbor kid who rides the short bus. Obviously, he wanted a donation to the beer fund. I smiled back, powered up my window and took off. He’d invited me after all.

The cabin wasn’t bad. It had a modern kitchen, a decent fireplace and a great deck overlooking a large, deep blue lake. I couldn’t see any neighbors in either direction, and I didn’t hear any boat motors.

As I wandered back inside to raid the cupboard, I nearly stepped on a lime rolling across the kitchen floor. I picked it up and tossed it in the fruit bowl on the counter. It felt bizarrely warm, so I rubbed the palm of my hand on my pants. The screen door slammed shut. He couldn’t be back that fast but I yelled, “Larry? Is that you?”

Nobody answered. I went to the front. Looking out, I didn’t see anyone, but I thumbed the lock button on my key fob just in case. The car lights flashed. I fastened the hook on the screen door.

As You Know

Back in the main room and still desperate for entertainment, I pulled a book from his shelf titled Margarita Mary. I headed out to the deck to read. Larry had eight different books by the same author. I’d never heard of the guy. But if Larry bought that many, I figured the writer had to be decent. I figured wrong.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.


Bob still edits a men’s magazine but has decided he’s too old for bar hopping. He is considering eHarmony.


Dr. K. Kitts is a retired geology professor who lives in the high desert of New Mexico. She served as a science team member on the NASA Genesis Mission and worked with both Apollo lunar samples and meteorites. She has dozens of non-fiction publications, but she no longer wishes to talk about “what is” but rather “what if.” She is currently writing both short and novel-length science fiction.


Scarlett O’Hairdye is a burlesque performer, producer and artist. To learn more, visit her site atwww.scarlettohairdye.com.

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Alumnus Co-Authors Bumble Keep Orphans’ Society

Bumble Keep Orphans' SocietyDomenic diCiacca, who will appear in our upcoming Selfies from the End of the World, also has a novel out that he co-authored with his two writing partners. Readers have described Bumble Keep Orphan’s Society as “a rollicking, action-packed fable of magic and murder” and “full of intrigue, clever suspense, magic, mystery, and humor.” Click here to check it out!

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Till Death Do Us Part, and Part Again

Dr. Frank A. Helmin1 and Dr. Diana Rohlman2
1Department of Psychology, Groom Lake Laboratories; 2Groom Lake Publishing Services, Groom Lake, Nevada, United States of America
Corresponding author: Frank A. Helmin, helminj@groomlakelab.edu
Illustration by: Luke Spooner


Frank A. Helmin received his Bachelors of Science degree in 2004 at Ohio State University. He received his doctorate in Psychology from Oregon University in 2010. He began as an associate professor at Groom Lake Laboratories following graduation, and now heads the Department of Speculative Psychology. The following case study is published as presented by the underwriting author, Diana Rohlman (Groom Lake Publishing Services).


Dr. David Latissemont was a fascinating study. His observations, percolated as they were with grief and guilt, were quite compelling. He preferred to narrate, documenting his emotions, his actions, his current state of mind. I didn’t mind the verbal vicissitudes–I was here to watch, no more.

I shifted in my chair as I watched him gather his instruments. Even in the dim lighting, the surgical steel caught the light, gleamed beside the clean towels.

When he was ready, he turned to me, one hand on the tray of instruments. His hand was calm, steady, but his voice wavered.

“This will be the seventieth time I attempt to revise Amanda Mencklen. All prior attempts have ended before they began, in failure. The data from those attempts has been carefully analyzed and tabulated; that data now informs my current attempt.”

David lived in an eerie sort of purgatory. Five years ago, he killed a woman. He had been atoning for it ever since.

He continued to dictate, and I, faithful assistant, continued to record, my pen scratching across paper.

“When Amanda first died, I thought it would be simple to bring her back to life. After all, my life’s work has centered on reversing aging, on finding the spark that is life. I already knew how to halt the inevitable decay of mortal flesh. You can see, even five years later, her body remains untouched by the irreversible flow of time.”

The body of Amanda Mencklen lay motionless on a metal table before him.

David was silent for a moment, fiddling with a machine. With soft susurrations Amanda’s chest began to rise and fall in a mockery of life. David turned to me with a sad smile, his gloved hands imploring me to make note of the artificial respiration.

I bent my head over my notebook, pen moving busily. I had heard so much of this before, but still I transcribed everything faithfully.

Til Death Do Us Part, And Part Again

David lived in an eerie sort of purgatory. Five years ago, he killed a woman. He had been atoning for it ever since.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.


Diana lives in the Pacific Northwest, invariably spending the rainy days inside, writing, with a glass of wine nearby, and her dog offering helpful critiques. Her website can be found at: http://sites.google.com/site/rohlmandiana


Luke Spooner a.k.a. ‘Carrion House’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at www.carrionhouse.com.

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An Account of Earth’s Doomsday

A letter from Richard Lexon, as provided by Sierra July
Art by Dawn Vogel


Dear Gabby:

I understand that this is a question/answer column, but you must share this with your readers. It’s essential. The paper you hold is a special alloy that will transcend space and time when printed, convert to every language and enter every journal, infect every website, etch every stone cave wall, if that’s what I’m dealing with. I don’t know how far back I can stretch, but the further the better. Humans young and old deserve to know their future, especially if they may be robbed of having one once promised. After a half hour, you won’t exist nor will your ancestors. It’s all bizarre and true. So please, if it’s the last thing you do …

Readers, if you’re reading this article, write down the name “Richard Lexon” on a spare envelope or a gum wrapper or an ironed dollar. Regardless of your wealth and stability or your place in time, it may save you today.

They’ll come for you. They’ll come–the time travelers or aliens or bogeymen or whatever you call them. They’ll come to do all things you’ve ever feared. Name an ailment, condition, something that leaves you in enough agony that the sun, stars, and moon lose their beauty; something that has you craving the color red because it means you’ll soon be out of your misery. Picture that torment and multiply by the infinity in which they’ll keep you alive to conduct their torture. That’s what you’re facing.

An Account of Earth's Doomsday

Right now, yes, right now at 11:57 A.M. (if I’m right about when your mail is delivered by post or cyber link or horse and buggy and when you take your news in hand, open it, read it) if I’m right then you’re thinking this is nonsense, can’t be true, and you’ve had too much to drink, too little sleep, too sharp a blow to the head. Did I name everything? Good.

It’s my fault, I believe. A decimal point error, a tiny speck misplaced and forgotten that has set everything off kilter. My mission was to update a satellite, but instead I sent a signal, a signal that said, “We’re ripe for the picking. Come and get us.” I attempted to mend my mistake, even journeyed with astronauts in an effort to deliver an apology, a “never mind” to our otherworldly neighbors, but no success. We saw nothing but wide, wide space that appeared impossible to cross with a century’s time. Still, don’t put it past them. Don’t assume they can’t flash into our hemisphere in an instant. They are coming, I say, coming in no time at all.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.


Richard Lexon is a scientist and, though he has many years of experience, he is constantly being disregarded or ridiculed for his lack of a doctorate. If Earth is still here tomorrow, he would like to pursue that.


Sierra is a University of Florida graduate. Her fiction appears in Robot and Raygun, T. Gene Davis’s Speculative Blog, Perihelion Science Fiction, and SpeckLit, among other places. She blogs at talestotellinpassing.blogspot.com.


Dawn Vogel has been published as a short fiction author and an editor of both fiction and non-fiction. Although art is not her strongest suit, she’s happy to contribute occasional art to Mad Scientist Journal. By day, she edits reports for and manages an office of historians and archaeologists. In her alleged spare time, she runs a craft business and tries to find time for writing. She lives in Seattle with her awesome husband (and fellow author), Jeremy Zimmerman, and their herd of cats. For more of Dawn’s work visit http://historythatneverwas.com/.

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That Man Behind the Curtain: April 2015

Spike in numbers from paying authors for Selfies, plus an unexpected benefit from using BackerKit. Let’s look at some numbers!

The Money Aspect

Amounts in parentheses are losses/expenses.

Hosting: ($17.06)
Stories: ($879.00)
Art: ($148.45)
Advertising: ($20.00)
Processing Fees: ($17.58)
Printing: ($90.91)
Donations: $77.00
Ad Revenue: $0.77
Kickstarter: $75.00
Book Sales: $201.20
Total: ($819.03)
QTD: ($819.03)
YTD: $645.10
All Time: ($9,816.23)

As per usual, I try to list costs for art and stories under the month that the stories run on the site rather than when I pay them. Sales are for sales when they take place, not when it’s actually paid out to me. I also cover Paypal expenses when paying authors and artists.

The skewing of numbers thanks to Kickstarter continues this month. We paid over $800 for the stories for the anthology. Using Backerkit allowed backers to pay for add-ons after the Kickstarter ended. So we gained another $75 in funds for Selfies.

Submissions

We are closed to submissions. Our overall rate remains at 48.52%.

Followers

Number of followers in social media as of the end of last month.

Facebook: 946 (+8)
Twitter: 414 (+32)
Google+: 53 (+0)
Tumblr: 80 (+8)
Mailing List: 38 (+2)
Patreon: 10 (+0)

Traffic

Our traffic was a little down in April. We had a total of 1,703 visits. Our traffic consisted of 1,225 users and 2,935 page views. Our highest day of traffic was 127.

This month’s search engine term is “1934 boise city news – mistaking water for kerosene”.  Though “ebay 1979’s quilt patterns” is still drawing traffic.

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Weaselbearer v. del Toro

An essay by Judge Salvadore Ironfist, as provided by K. G. Jewell
Art by Leigh Legler


BE IT REMEMBERED on July 23, 2013, the Court held a hearing in the above-styled cause, and the parties appeared with counsel.

Background

In January 2010, Malcolm Weaselbearer was hired by Xavier del Toro, Dark Sorcerer 9th Level, as an apprentice. The employment contract was the standard form promulgated by the Dark Arts Guild, and includes an enforcement clause demanding the transmutation of a breaching party into a rabbit. Both Mr. Weaselbearer and Src. del Toro willingly signed the contract in blood.

In addition to his arcane dark sorcery practice, Src. del Toro sells mundane services as “MagicMan, The Amazing Party Magician.” In this capacity, Src. del Toro utilized Mr. Weaselbearer as a balloon wrangler, i.e., an assistant that inflates balloons for Src. del Toro to construct into animal-shaped sculptures. The parties agree that Mr. Weaselbearer has spent the entirety of his apprenticeship balloon-wrangling.

Mr. Weaselbearer initiated this suit to terminate his employment contract, claiming Src. Del Toro has failed to uphold his duty under the contract to “reveal the secrets of the arcane dark arts.” Mr. Weaselbearer asserts the MagicMan business merely provides cash flow to Src. del Toro’s otherwise failing sorcery practice, and balloon-wrangling is not an arcane technique.

Src. del Toro represents the MagicMan business is essential to the dark arts, providing access to children’s minds to subvert to evil ways. Src. del Toro has initiated a counter-claim, charging that Mr. Weaselbearer stole Src. del Toro’s intellectual property and has been selling Src. del Toro’s balloon dragon designs in competition to Src. del Toro. Src. del Toro submits Exhibit A, his dragon, and Exhibit B, Mr. Weaselbearers’ dragon.

Weaselbearer v. del Toro

Src. del Toro has initiated a counter-claim, charging that Mr. Weaselbearer stole Src. del Toro’s intellectual property and has been selling Src. del Toro’s balloon dragon designs in competition to Src. del Toro. Src. del Toro submits Exhibit A, his dragon, and Exhibit B, Mr. Weaselbearers’ dragon.

The Dark Arts Guild has filed an amicus brief in this matter, advocating that the language of their standard-form employment contract should be held inviolate. They believe this language grants del Toto unilateral power to teach the dark arts as he sees fit, and warn that a finding against del Toro would undermine the guild’s authority over apprentice labor. A possible repercussion of this would be many smelly sorcerers, as laundry is a traditional apprentice task.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.


Judge Salvadore Ironfist has presided over the 12th District Arcane Court for the last four decades. If you can’t find his courtroom, you aren’t supposed to be there.


K. G. Jewell lives and writes in Austin, Texas. He bakes a mean boule. His website, which is rarely updated, is lit.kgjewell.com.


Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

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Hamlet and Ashley

As provided by Leland Neville
Art by Luke Spooner


Dewey Glass, a freelance space monitor, shares the following intercepted communications from the starship Preemptive Strike:  

 

Greetings Supreme Commander:

Observing your meticulous torturing of the hapless reactionaries was both an amusing spectacle and an enlightening experience. Keep those highlight videos coming! As always, you remain the master of the prolonged tentacle twist.

Five more planets have been eradicated since my last dispatch. Our buffer zone continues to expand in an orderly manner. The Preemptive Strike is a magnificent starship and I am honored to serve as its first captain. I will not fail the Civilization.

My spies recently informed me that there are whispers of discontent and insubordination. The crew is obviously testing me, their novice captain. But fear not. I, of course, have learned a thing or two about discipline. After all, what you, Supreme Commander, do not know about tentacle twisting and eye gouging is not worth learning!

Respectfully,

Captain Vector

#

Greetings Supreme Commander:

Our starship continues to perform beyond all expectations. The elapsed time after the Preemptive Strike emerges from a black hole and before it locks-on to a potentially troublemaking planet has been reduced to a few measly nanoseconds. It is doubtful we have as yet even been detected by our primitive targets. Neutralizing these odious planets is now a mundane procedure.

The torture and execution of three Grade II Warriors has successfully put a damper on the mutinous chatter. My spies believe that the rumors of a mutiny were just empty noise from bored crew members, but the Military Code of Justice is unambiguous. I do recommend, however, that the Triumvirate consider eliminating Warriors on future missions. Although I am aware of the historical significance (and political clout) of the Warrior guild, I cannot envision a future scenario where tentacle to tentacle combat will be essential. The Warriors are nothing but collateral damage caused by our Civilization’s technological superiority. The Preemptive Strike–and our Civilization–is relentless!

Respectfully,

Captain Vector

Hamlet and Ashley

The name of the destroyed planet was Denmark. The fragmented data from Denmark contains communications from the aliens Hamlet and Ashley. There is no evidence that Hamlet and Ashley were exceptional creatures or even knew each other. The communications are just random fragmented data, the final voices from extraterrestrials who have passed into an undiscovered country where no traveler returns.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.


Dewey Glass, a Virginia native, now lives near Iroquois Peak in the Adirondack Mountains. He has been successfully intercepting and translating interstellar communications for over 20 years. When not “space listening,” Dr. Glass updates and revises his magnum opus “Five Things You Probably Don’t Know about Parallel Universes.”


Leland Neville lives in upstate New York where he is a full time writer. He previously worked for a news magazine in Washington, D.C., and taught in both a high school and a prison. His short stories have appeared in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine, Bartleby Snopes, The Barcelona Review, Pulp Modern, and Workers Writes. Non-fiction has appeared in U. S. News & World Report and The New York Review of Science Fiction.


Luke Spooner a.k.a. ‘Carrion House’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at www.carrionhouse.com.

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Review of Waiting for the Machines to Fall Asleep

Waiting for the Machines to Fall Asleep

A review by Dawn Vogel

Waiting for the Machines to Fall Asleep (2015, Affront Publishing), edited by Peter Öberg, is an anthology containing science fiction and fantastic stories by Swedish authors. This anthology is jam packed with 26 stories, so there’s likely to be something for everyone among them.

Some of the stories are especially dark, while others have a more light-hearted approach. “To Preserve Humankind,” by Christina Nordlander, is a particularly creepy story about what the robot servants of humans might be up to behind their backs. But on the flipside, “Quadrillenium,” by AR Yngve, is an irreverent look at a holiday tradition practiced by a family for many years, though it seems to have lost some of its original meaning.

Other stories that grabbed my attention included “Mission Accomplished,” by My Bergström, which is in large part a search and rescue mission, but it takes on greater significance for a consciousness, put into a manufactured body, that has forgotten some of the details. I also enjoyed “Getting to the End,” by Erik Odeldahl. While it reads very much like an old pulp or noir mystery, little things begin to trickle in over the course of the story to let you know that there’s something much more going on. Though it may be a bit of a spoiler to say this, I liked the way it reminded me of the movie Dark City.

While several other stories also stood out for me, my hands down favorite story was “The Order of Things,” by Lupina Ojala. Telling the tale of a woman who had left behind a comfortable life to live among the Outskirters, this story is touching while still maintaining a sense of mystery. My only wish for this story is that it could have been longer. I would love to read more about Ida, her history, and her future.

Waiting for the Machines to Fall Asleep is available in both paperback and e-book format. If you want to read a free sampler, which includes a bonus story not found in the anthology, you can check it out on Affront Publishing’s website: http://www.affront.se/bocker/waiting-for-the-machines-to-fall-asleep/.

 

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