An essay by Imahl Whett, Institute for Aqua-tektonics, as provided by E. B. Fischadler
Art by Justine McGreevy
Try as we might, we can’t seem to avoid the frequent news stories or lectures by former politicians claiming to be climate experts asserting that sea levels are rising due to global warming. Dire predictions of major cities being flooded by 2050, or an existence depicted in the film Waterworld constantly scare us. Here, at the Institute for Aqua-tektonics, we have reason to believe that while the effect will be the same, flooding on a scale not seen since Noah was alive, the claims of rising sea levels are wrong. In fact, we have determined that sea levels are not rising, rather landmasses are sinking. In this paper, we shall explain the reasoning which makes this conclusion inevitable.
First, in order for the landmasses to be sinking, they must have at some time been floating. How do we know they are floating? The answer is continental drift. We speak of “drifting out to sea,” being “cast adrift,” and other such phrases. All clearly nautical in origin, hence related to floating objects. So if there is continental drift, the continents must be floating. In fact, we believe the 70% of the earth’s surface that is covered by sea water is only that part of the earth where water is on the surface. The continents are hiding the water covering the remaining other 30%.
So, how do we know the seas aren’t rising? Look up sea level. The definition hasn’t changed in ages. If one compares recent topographic maps to those made years ago, one sees that mountain peaks and other landmarks are at approximately the same height above sea level. So sea level hasn’t changed. If we are doomed to drown (or at least the coastal cities are), then the land must be sinking. OK, so there may be another explanation. But bear with me; there are other arguments for the land sinking.
 Inevitable? Who is this Evita? And what table?
 Catch my drift?
To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Winter 2019 collection.
Imahl Whett of the Institute for Aqua-tektonics has been clean and sober for the last few days. Even so, he has published such elegant tomes as “Water ya think of That” and “Global Warming–Think of What We’ll Save on Heating Bills.” His papers are distinctive for their watermarks and being published in washable ink.
E. B. Fischadler has been writing short stories for several years, and has recently begun publishing. His stories have appeared in Mad Scientist Journal, Bewildering Stories, eFiction, Voluted Tales, Beyond Imagination Literary Magazine, and Beyond Science Fiction. In addition to fiction, Fischadler has published over 30 papers in refereed scientific journals, as well as a chapter of a textbook on satellite engineering. When he is not writing, he pursues a career in engineering and serves his community as an EMT. Fischadler continues to write short stories and is working on a novel about a naval surgeon. You can learn more about Fischadler and access his other publications at: https://ebfischadler.wordpress.com/.
“The Earth is Sinking!” is © 2018 E. B. Fischadler
Art accompanying story is © 2018 Justine McGreevy