To Dr. Von Lupe, Concerning the Ice Pick

A letter by Dr. Elizabeth Chu, as provided by Alanna McFall
Art by America Jones

To Dr. Von Lupe, My Most Glorious God-on-Earth and Leader Among All the Ranks of Humans,

Greetings to you, my dark master who claims dominion over the land and the skies (and in whose name we are all working hard on claiming the seas). I hope that you are doing well when you receive this letter, and that the tax season was a smooth and painless one for you. You know what they say: the only entity that comes close to being as evil and powerful as the esteemed Dr. Von Lupe is the IRS. I say that all the time. As a captive in your underground lair, I have greatly appreciated not having to file my returns this year. Truly, I thank you for this gift.

However, I am writing to you today because of an issue I am currently facing that may have arisen out of your wise and omnipotent orders. To be direct and to the point and not to waste your precious time or attention, let me be brief: the lab where we are growing and teaching our hyper-intelligent squid has become a hostile work environment. And for the sake of the advancement of the dark sciences, the conditions must improve.

(I apologize, I see that my blood has begun to drip onto this page. I hope you will forgive the mess, as we are short on writing materials.)

Art Accompanying "To Dr. Von Lupe, Concerning the Ice Pick"

As a captive in your underground lair, I have greatly appreciated not having to file my returns this year. Truly, I thank you for this gift.

To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.

Breaking news on the disappearance of marine biologist Dr. Elizabeth Chu, who vanished nearly one year ago during a vacation near the Ural Mountains: authorities say that there is a possible link between the disappearance of Dr. Chu and the activities of a new terrorist cell working out of the mountain region. What use this shadowy group would have with one of the world’s leading experts in cephalopod biology has yet to be discovered, but police are hot on the trail of the kidnappers. Any leads pertaining to the location of Dr. Chu should be brought to the appropriate authorities immediately.

Alanna McFall is an upcoming science fiction and fantasy writer. She has worked in a variety of mediums, from short stories to novels to audio scripts, and across a range of locations, stretching the span of the country from New York to Minnesota to California. She is always looking for ways to expand her repertoire and get involved in her next project. Follow her work on Twitter at @AlannaMcFall, or on her website,

AJ is an illustrator and comic artist with a passion for neon colors and queer culture. Catch them being antisocial on social media @thehauntedboy.

“To Dr. Von Lupe, Concerning the Ice Pick” is © 2016 Alanna McFall
Art accompanying story is © 2016 America Jones

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