Science for Crackpots

An essay by Waldo Krankenstein, as provided by Andrew May
Art by Katie Nyborg

I know what you’re thinking: “Crackpots don’t need to read textbooks because they already know everything.” You’re right, of course. But this isn’t a textbook, just a collection of useful tips based on my own thirty years of experience as one of the world’s leading crackpots.

The Scientific Method

The heart of mainstream science is something they call “the scientific method.” This is a kind of Masonic handshake that scientists use to keep insiders inside and outsiders outside. In reality, the scientific method is like the Emperor’s New Clothes–it sounds fancy, but there’s nothing really there. As a crackpot, you won’t lose any credibility if you ignore the scientific method altogether.

Many promising young crackpots are put off by the mistaken belief they have to plough through piles of books with boring titles like “Integrated Principles of Zoology” or “Principles and Applications of the General Theory of Relativity.” This simply isn’t the case. These books were written by scientists, and scientists don’t know everything. If they did, the world wouldn’t need crackpots.

One of the founders of quantum theory, Max Planck, observed that “new scientific ideas never spring from a communal body, however organized, but rather from the head of an individually inspired researcher.” So where will the next great scientific idea come from? It might be your head–in fact, it probably will be.

Science for Crackpots

One of the first things the aspiring crackpot needs to do is choose a belief system. Be as imaginative as you want–you can always change it later if you decide you don’t like it. As the great philosopher Rudolf Steiner pointed out, “Truth is a free creation of the human spirit, that never would exist at all if we did not generate it ourselves.”

To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2014 collection.

Waldo Krankenstein is one of the world’s leading crackpots. His first major triumph, back in 1984, was the revelation that NASA has had a permanently manned base on the Moon ever since the 1950s. Two years later, he followed this up with another Earth­shaking revelation–that the supposed Apollo Moon landing of 1969 was nothing but a cynical government hoax. He proved this scientifically, on the grounds that no human being could survive the intense radiation of outer space.

Andrew May is a science consultant and freelance author writing on subjects as diverse as quantum physics, astronomy, history, military technology, pulp magazines, the paranormal, and New Age beliefs. He keeps trying to write fiction, too.

Katie Nyborg’s art, plus information regarding hiring her, can be found at

Follow us online:
This entry was posted in Fiction and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.