Inside Job

An essay by Azazel, as provided by Nick Nafpliotis
Art by Luke Spooner

Shhhh …

If you’re going to sit here, then you’ll have to be quieter than that. We are in a church, after all.

Oh sure, I know it seems more than a little strange for me to be in a place designed for worshipping The Oppressor. I am an agent of Lucifer, after all. But what most folks don’t realize is that this is where some of the best stuff happens.

Yes, the hymns and praise band music proclaiming the “greatness” of The Oppressor and his son make my skin crawl. And yes, the parts where they quote out of that ridiculous book make me want to scream. But ignore all of that for a minute and look around you. Check out all that rock n’ roll stage lighting, the elaborate lobbies … I mean seriously, there’s even a freaking coffee shop! Do you know how much of the money they poured into all could have been used to help the poor and the sick?

“But Azazel,” you’ll say, “by growing their church, they can reach more of those people.”

It’s a nice thought, but it’s also a complete load of shit. This church didn’t build those things to reach out to the poor, the tired, and the hungry. They wanted to seem “cool” or “important” just so they could feel better about not being those things.

Inside Job

That’s why this place is so wonderful, by the way. It’s practically doing all of the work for us, especially with regards to the younger generations. The youth groups are ruled by cliques even more brutal and heartless than the ones we’ve worked so hard to build in the secular schools. Unless you’re a hot ass chick, a really douchey looking jock, or a quadriplegic burn victim, no one honestly gives two shits about you.

To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2014 collection.

Azazel has been a demon in service of the Dark Lord’s for many thousands of years. He favorite show is Entourage and his favorite band is Nickelback. He proudly claims partial and sometimes full responsibility for the suffering of countless beings through strife, bigotry, and callousness. When morphed into his human form, he can often be found exclusively wearing clothing by Ed Hardy.

Nick Nafpliotis is a music teacher and writer from Charleston, South Carolina. During the day, he instructs students from the ages of 11-14 on how to play band instruments. At night, he writes about weird crime, bizarre history, pop culture, and humorous classroom experiences on his blog, He is also a television, novel, and comic book reviewer for

Luke Spooner a.k.a. ‘Carrion House’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at

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