Constructing the Provably Complete Library

An essay by V. Cardigan, as provided by Emma Tonkin
Art by Dawn Vogel


Abstract

The theoretical concept of a provably complete library, generated by an infinitely parallelised random process, is well-known. In this article, I report on the results of a sample implementation of Borel’s well-known “typing monkey” thought experiment. Through analysis and evaluation of our practical findings, I identify best practices, issues encountered, and potential future developments in the field.

Introduction

Ever since the publication of Émile Borel’s contribution to the field of modern librarianship in his well-known 1913 article, “Mécanique Statistique et Irréversibilité,” the construction of a provably complete library (PCL) has been tantalisingly close to humanity’s grasp.

Borel’s pioneering vision described the employment of an infinitely large number of “singes dactylographes,” usually rendered into English as “typing monkeys,” each of which would generate a unique text on his or her individual typewriter. Although the majority of such texts would naturally contain nothing but gibberish, a small subset would consist of all existing (and possible) works of literature. The aggregate works of an infinite set of monkeys would therefore far exceed the reach of copyright libraries, institutions that are entitled to a copy of every book ever published in the host nation. Such a library would also contain valid textual encodings of all possible binary formats, software packages, scripts, and multimedia works. The PCL is a provably complete textual, image, multimedia, and software library.

Borel’s work has generally been dismissed as purely theoretical due to the difficulties inherent in the practical construction of an infinite dataset. In particular, although contemporary computing platforms are able to simulate a series of individual typing monkeys, they do not permit the simulation of the requisite infinite set of typing monkeys in a realistic period of time. In the past, parallelization has failed to significantly relieve this difficulty. The best parallel architectures commercially available today cannot provide the infinite parallelism required by Borel’s Gedankenexperiment.

Art for "Constructing the Provably Complete Library"

Last year, we in the Information and Library Services department were pleased to learn of the eighteen-billion-pound development of a new infinitely parallel quantum computing (IPQC) facility within our university.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


Vera Cardigan received a Master’s in Library and Information Science from the University of the West of Peterborough and is a member of the International Library Society’s Experimental Librarianship Interest Group. She is employed as a senior librarian at St Alexander’s University College, formerly Oxford Agricultural Polytechnic.


Emma Tonkin is an engineer with a PhD in computer science and a lingering fascination with classical studies. She is employed in a research project in the sub-basement of a University building. She likes to write fiction and sometimes even manages it on purpose.


Dawn Vogel has been published as a short fiction author and an editor of both fiction and non-fiction. Although art is not her strongest suit, she’s happy to contribute occasional art to Mad Scientist Journal. By day, she edits reports for historians and archaeologists. In her alleged spare time, she runs a craft business and tries to find time for writing. She lives in Seattle with her awesome husband (and fellow author), Jeremy Zimmerman, and their herd of cats. Visit her website at http://historythatneverwas.com.

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Letter of Recommendation for Minion Balrog

A letter by H. K. Ludwig, as provided by Shane Landry
Art by Luke Spooner


To whom it may concern:

I had the privilege of supervising Balrog for seven years and, in fact, created him. He was the Security Specialist for Level Zero, where Patient Zeros, doomsday weapons, and government conspiracy-grade devices are kept. The position was fast paced and demanding, yet Balrog performed his duties with enthusiasm, dedication, and a keen attention to detail. In short, he was the consummate professional, always ready to smash, blast, and devour.

Balrog possesses a host of skills, qualities, and specialized knowledge that you will no doubt find useful. He is adept at stopping breaches in lab security. I vividly remember the day when Balrog stopped an out of control mutated simian-mantis hybrid that quickly grew to three stories tall. Despite a clear disadvantage in reach and body mass, Balrog completed the task without complaint and single-handedly contained the situation. That is exactly the sort of initiative and adherence to corporate mission statement that any company would benefit from.

His regenerative qualities stand out as his finest. When I say he stopped the mutation single-handedly, I mean literally. Balrog gives of himself readily when corporate needs far exceed the ability of lesser minions to meet them. More than once, he gave up his own hand to fuel the biomass generators. And while regrowth of a limb might have dampened the enthusiasm of a lesser minion, he still chanted “Balrog SMAAASH” with the terrifying volume I have learned to expect from him as a result of his dedication to quality fear-mongering.

Art for "Letter Of Recommendation For Minion Balrog"

The position was fast paced and demanding, yet Balrog performed his duties with enthusiasm, dedication, and a keen attention to detail. In short, he was the consummate professional, always ready to smash, blast, and devour.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


H. K. Ludwig was born in Cortex, Alabama. He endured a socially isolated childhood as a result of his clinically diagnosed superior intellect. At age seven, he built his first minion and discovered people are more tractable when their house is on fire. He later founded HK Industries with a core focus of custom minion development and accessories. The inevitable success brought about by his peerless brilliance led to the acquisition of many inferior companies specializing in other technologies, ranging from freeze­grenade snow cones to android girlfriend vending machines. He currently lives at the top of the food chain.


Shane Landry was born on the East Coast where driving is a full contact sport. He has a degree in Applied Physics and spent 13 months as a research assistant in the South Pole, Antarctica. When not writing, he conditions his body and mind for the zombie apocalypse, brews beer, and plays guitar so poorly the instrument filed a restraining order. Authorities report he is currently teaching English in Japan. You can visit his website at www.shanelandrybooks.com.


Luke Spooner a.k.a. ‘Carrion House’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at www.carrionhouse.com.


“Letter of Recommendation for Minion Balrog” is © 2016 Shane Landry
Art accompanying story is © 2016 Luke Spooner

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It Won’t Cost You a Cent

A letter by J. Julian Watson, as provided by his cousin, Dana Mele
Art by Errow Collins


Dear Family and Friends,

Happy holidays from the Watson family! As always, this December delivers swirling snow, crowded malls, and another annual update from Julian, Molly, Hunter, and Tesla. It’s been a year, and so much has happened. Hunter is halfway through his first year of kindergarten, and loving it. Molly has been promoted at the Post Office! As for me, exciting things are on the horizon.

First, I have finally managed to shimmy out of the corporate noose. After another round of layoffs at CrypTech, I had the pleasure of turning in my badge and collecting a generous severance package, which will keep us clothed and fed for another month at least.

To tell the truth, it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m finally free to pursue my own interests and engage in cutting edge research and development that allows me to contribute to the betterment of the world. I couldn’t be more pleased with the results so far.

You will remember, of course, that incident at last year’s Christmas party. I do apologize. I allowed myself one too many glasses of Nana’s delicious eggnog, which does little to improve my personality. It got me thinking. If alcohol has such a detrimental effect on human behavior, shouldn’t there be a drink that has the opposite effect? Not a chemical compound that only benefits people with mental diseases, but a healthy, naturally occurring substance that can improve mood and behavior for all of mankind? Don’t we, as a human race, deserve such a thing? Think of all the evil that would be eliminated from the world, if only there were some easy way to stifle selfishness, repressed animosity, and uninhibited impulsivity, which I have determined are the three main behavioral results of excessive alcohol consumption.

If so, the human race is in for a real treat. I have spent the last year creating and perfecting such a formula. It is 100% natural, derived from plants you might find in your own backyard, depending upon where you happen to live (it’s unlikely that anyone lives in both a desert and arctic climate, but who knows? The universe is a big place with infinite possibilities). It is rich in vitamins and minerals and only 20 calories per serving. Best of all, it works.

Art for "It Won't Cost You a Cent"

Now our neighbors are just as hooked on Azure as we are, and Tesla is as welcome in their pool as he is in his own doghouse.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


J. Julian Watson is a chemist and entrepreneur. He holds an A.B. from Harvard University and a Ph.D. from Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Dr. Watson is the youngest living recipient of the MacArthur genius grant, and is the former head of molecular research at CrypTech, Inc. His areas of specialization include computational biophysical chemistry and design and analysis of drugs. He is passionate about gardening, playing the ukulele, and musical theater. He lives in Greenville, New York, with his lovely wife Molly, his son Hunter, and his dog, Tesla.


Dana Mele is a writer and attorney currently located in a remote corner of the Catskill mountains. She has a B.A. from Wellesley College and is presently a student at the UCLA Extension Writer’s Program. Her fiction and academic writing have appeared in 101 Words and the Syracuse Journal of Science and Technology. She spends her time drafting wills and writing elegies for fallen logs, chasing her toddler in endless concentric circles, and avoiding bears.


Errow is a comic artist and illustrator with a predilection towards the surreal and the familiar. She pays her time to developing worlds not quite like our own with her artist fiancee and pushing the queer agenda. She probably left a candle burning somewhere. More of her work can be found at errowcollins.wix.com/portfolio.


“It Won’t Cost You a Cent” is © 2016 Dana Mele
Art accompanying story is © 2016 Errow Collins

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Note On the Law of the Excluded Middle

An essay by Dr. Earnest Lee Lightweight, as provided by Alan Meyrowitz
Art by Luke Spooner


I had the privilege of delivering an invited talk to the 2014 Conference on Pushing the Boundaries and took that opportunity to speculate on the possibility that the Law of the Excluded Middle is not an immutable law after all. In its form most simply stated, adapted from Aristotle, the Law of the Excluded Middle asserts “Any statement must be either True or False, and can never be both.” I provided some equations that were highly suggestive (at least to me, if not to the scientific establishment) that a region of space might be made to accommodate a contradiction to the Law, if that space were properly exposed to electromagnetic radiations.

As I could not entice funding from the usual research agencies and foundations, I proceeded as best I could with my own resources. Of necessity, a scientist working in his basement must make do with compromises. I purchased some items and scavenged others out of odd and ends. My efforts yielded a device consisting of a glass sphere, a meter in diameter, with field generators attached to its outside surface. Most importantly, the points of attachment were precisely dictated by my equations.

Two thermometers were included, side by side at the center of the sphere. They were connected to heating elements on the base supporting the sphere, and by computer I could direct the air in the sphere to be heated to precisely 90 degrees as determined by one thermometer, and to precisely 95 degrees as determined by the other. With all field generators active, I predicted that the temperature would register as both 90 degrees and 95 degrees simultaneously. Thus, the air inside the sphere would be at 90 degrees and not at 90 degrees, contradicting the Law of the Excluded Middle.

Art for Note On the Law of the Excluded Middle

As I could not entice funding from the usual research agencies and foundations, I proceeded as best I could with my own resources. Of necessity, a scientist working in his basement must make do with compromises. I purchased some items and scavenged others out of odd and ends. My efforts yielded a device consisting of a glass sphere, a meter in diameter, with field generators attached to its outside surface. Most importantly, the points of attachment were precisely dictated by my equations.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


Earnest Lee Lightweight received his Doctorate in Animal Husbandry from Miskatonic University in 1992. He credits his insights into physics to his keen observations of billiard ball behavior, all documented in his book Revolution in Physics. However, publication efforts were suspended upon learning his ideas substantially duplicated those of Sir Isaac Newton. Undaunted, Dr. Lightweight aggressively pursued experimental research. The U. S. Patent Office notes that he holds the record for the highest number of rejected patent applications submitted by one person. Still, Dr. Lightweight has collected his ideas in the draft of a new book, The Virtue of Perseverance.


Alan Meyrowitz retired in 2005 after a career in computer research. His creative writing has appeared in California Quarterly, Eclectica, Existere, Front Range Review, The Literary Hatchet, The Nassau Review, Schuylkill Valley Journal, Shroud, The Storyteller, and others. In 2012 and 2015, the Science Fiction Poetry Association nominated his poems for a Dwarf Star Award.


Luke Spooner a.k.a. ‘Carrion House’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at www.carrionhouse.com.


“Note On the Law of the Excluded Middle” is © 2016 Alan Meyrowitz
Art accompanying story is © 2016 Luke Spooner

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That Man Behind the Curtain: October 2016

Picture of our cat, Gabe.

This is our cat, Gabe. He’s searching the ‘tubes. (He’s an old cat–he’ll be old enough to legally drink in the U.S. in March!)

This month has been about trying to get all the books out the door. Printing books! Shipping books! Because of delays with Fitting In, we were having to work on both Fitting In and Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 at the same time. Zany!

The Money Aspect

Amounts in parentheses are losses/expenses.
Hosting: ($17.06)
Stories: ($80.00)
Art: ($198.14)
Advertising: ($20.00)
Processing Fees: ($14.78)
Printing: ($1,689.01)
Donations: $38.71
Ad Revenue: $0.21
Physical Sales: $42.00
Online Book Sales: $56.75

Total: ($1,964.36)
QTD: ($1,964)
YTD: ($4,030.06)
All Time: ($18,174.09)

As usual, I try to list costs for art and stories under the month that the stories run on the site rather than when I pay them. (This does not apply to special content, which does not have a specific month associated with it.) Sales are for sales when they take place, not when it’s actually paid out to me.

As mentioned, we were getting two books out the door. So we had spikes in art (paying for cover art) and printing all those books. We also had some unexpected costs doing our limited edition books. There was a learning curve, but I think if we offer them again, we’ll be better informed.

Submissions

We were closed to submissions in October. All time acceptance rate remains at 44.7%.

Followers

At the end of September:

Facebook: 1,398 (+18)

Twitter: 491 (+7)

Google+: 61 (+0)

Tumblr: 184 (+9)

Mailing List: 64 (+2)

Patreon: 11 (-1)

Traffic

In October we had 802 visits, involving 614 users and 1,401 page views.

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Wrong Guy

An essay by Jake “The Hammer” Hurley, as provided by Michael Rettig
Art by Leigh Legler


I sat in the back of the old wooden fishing boat, gripping the outboard motor handle with white knuckles. I’m a member of the most powerful gang in the country. My grandmother calls me a thug. But a thug that tonight was rising up in the ranks of my gang. I was nervous as hell in this stupid small boat in the dark heading to a small island in the middle of Mexico nowhere. My organization rose to the top by two things. Our ability to put hits on anyone and special weapons from the evil genius of Dr. Frombeck.

Frombeck was a German professor involved in poison gas research during the Great War. He’d left Germany after the defeat and now lived alone in a big house on a small tropical island off the coast of Mexico. He charged a hefty price for his inventions, but they were worth it. His pocket brain disruptors had helped us gain control over the Tongs in San Francisco. His tasteless poisons had let us wipe out the Marcesi brothers in Cleveland.

Two weeks ago, Frombeck had sent a coded message. He had a new brilliant discovery that would gain us more advantage.

I slowed the boat and pulled it into the small wooden dock on the island. The guy who usually came to pick up new inventions had been riddled with machine gun bullets by the Capone mob last month. I tied up the boat, then with the leather bag full of cash in hand, followed the instructions to walk up a jungle trail until reaching the two-story stone house. Banging a big brass knocker in the shape of an imperial German eagle on the massive front door, I straightened my double-breasted suit and the tilt of my fedora. After a few minutes, bolts unlocked from inside.

The door swung open. Backlit was the man himself. Tall, cadaverous, wearing an immaculately starched, ankle-length white lab coat with a black leather belt and holster cinched at the waist. In one hand was an odd looking pistol, pointed at me.

“The password please.”

“Long live the Kaiser!”

“Where is the man who came before?”

“He got killed. I’m the new guy.”

“You have the money?”

I lifted up the bag.

“Good.”

Art for "Wrong Guy"

“I have discovered that the most intelligent creatures on Earth, kilo for kilo, are turtles. I talk to them. I take them for walks. I play recordings of Wagnerian operas to make them happy. I’m selling you a machine to talk with the gods.”


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


Jake “The Hammer” Hurley is a rising member of the South Side Gang. He and his compatriots have interests in breweries, gambling, and protection services. “The Hammer” specializes in the collection of debts for his organization. Capt. Benson of the twelfth police precinct stated that “Jake is a thug’s thug. A man who you’d best not cross. Unfortunately we can’t prove a thing. Witnesses disappear.”

Jake spends evenings escorting Yolanda, an exotic dancer at the Orchid Club. He also anonymously contributes cash to building a new reptile building at the City Zoo.


Michael Rettig is a left handed, red headed only child who sees shapes in clouds no one else does. Once when fired from a job, instead of getting drunk, he went alone to a room and read Orwell’s 1984 straight through. This is Mike’s second story for Mad Scientist Journal. His first story was “Chuck the Alien.” After an insanely stressful career as a stockbroker, Mike writes short stories. He’s won a couple of short fiction contests and been a writing contest director. His writing critique group, “The Word Herd,” meets frequently at the local Barnes and Noble.


Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.


“Wrong Guy” is © 2016 Michael Rettig
Art accompanying story is © 2017 Leigh Legler

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A Formal Apology for Recent Developments

A letter by Hansel Calloway, as provided by Church Lieu
Art by Justine McGreevy


To Whom It May Concern:

It has come to my attention that my most recent paper, as published in the Vanguard journal on applied artificial intelligence, drew incomplete conclusions from my experimental data. I would like to offer my greatest, most sincere apologies for any harm that this may have caused to the scientific community. And, of course, to human civilization at large.

I understand that, since the results of my paper appeared to neatly resolve the facial-recognition and aggression errors present in numerous civilian droid models, it enjoyed a significant amount of publicity and praise. A reliable method to keep domestic and industrial robots from “going Frankenstein” on their owners was, understandably, a cause for relief. But the real turning point, or the “beginning of the end” for the dramatically minded, was when sensationalist web culture sank its claws into my findings. If I may be so bold, I recommend that you direct some of your blame towards websites and social media pages like “Science Is [Freaking] Cool.” As is their modus operandi, they plastered wildly aggrandized versions of my results on Facebook walls and Twitter feeds while barely mentioning my methods or experimental limitations.

If they had taken more than a cursory glance at my research, they would have found that I designed the procedure for controlled, isolated use within closed–and I repeat, closed–robotic networks. To be fair, I may not have made this point quite clear enough. But I doubt that anything short of an all-capitalized declaration of “ONLY USE ON CLOSED NETWORKS” would have dissuaded them. In any case, I naively believed that I would have some time to refine and elaborate on my work before applying it in practice, assuming that my results would not be immediately pounced upon by the hyenas of sensationalism.

Art for "A Formal Apology for Recent Developments"

To be fair, I may not have made this point quite clear enough. But I doubt that anything short of an all-capitalized declaration of “ONLY USE ON CLOSED NETWORKS” would have dissuaded them.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


Hansel Calloway, Ph.D., is a computational roboticist and the author of over two hundred papers in his field. He was required to step down from his position as Chair of the Department of Robotics at the Tyrell Rosen University of Technology due to the “Crush, Kill, Destroy” scandal, but he managed to retain his position as a tenured professor.


Church Lieu is a Los Angeles native and Cal State Los Angeles student currently working towards his bachelor’s degree in Philosophy. He recently joined the staff of his school’s literary magazine, Statement, and he is an aspiring speculative fiction writer with a love of all things robotic.


Justine McGreevy is a slowly recovering perfectionist, writer, and artist. She creates realities to make our own seem slightly less terrifying. Her work can be viewed at http://www.behance.net/Fickle_Muse and you can follow her on Twitter @Fickle_Muse.


“A Formal Apology for Recent Developments” is © 2016 Church Lieu.
Art accompanying story is © 2016 Justine McGreevy.

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An Atheist’s Guide to the Afterlife

An essay by Dr Quintum Magnamaby, as provided by J. R. Hampton
Art by Luke Spooner


For this report, I have implicitly assumed that there is an afterlife. This may not be so. There are three possibilities:

  1. There is an afterlife.
  2. The afterlife exists as a hypothesis based on infinite impossibilities, which can be regularly tested and proven by repeated lack of evidence.
  3. There is no afterlife. The arbitrary observations are evidence of a deluded mind, and anyone encountering such should immediately seek medical attention at once.

In this account, I will share my observations on my own pesonal experience of the underworld and describe for the atheist the correct protocol, should they unexpectedly find themselves there.

I clambered and skidded down the path, too afraid to know or care what I was doing, and before I knew it, I found myself standing just a few feet from a large beast. It regarded me with little interest, having plenty already to chew on. A length of dripping intestine was hanging from its gnashing jaws, and its face was glistening with blood. Its pink gums displayed a rack of stained teeth, and its rancid breath, together with the hot fetid air of the chasm, combined into a stench so overpowering that my eyes were streaming, and I was overcome with nausea. I reached into my pocket and slowly took out my camera. Testing the angle, I pressed the button. Click, a selfie with the great mythological beast, Cerberus.

~

1. Check the Expiry Date

In which we learn how to respond appropriately to the dead.

It was now almost impossible to comprehend that only hours before, I’d been sat in the living room of a student’s house, invited by someone I vaguely knew, attending what could only be described as an unsuccessful attempt at a New Year’s Eve party.

The New Year had arrived as unceremoniously as I had departed. Unable to catch a taxi and unwilling to accept a lift from a bearded economics student, I took a shortcut through the woods.

The entrance to the underworld is as unspectacular as it is frustrating. I don’t know whether it was the three shots of jellified vomit, out of date cocktail sausages, and soggy pretzels that I had consumed previously, or the overwhelming cordiality thrust upon me by a man who insisted that I called him Leo, which made me agree to go. I followed him through a small burrow and stumbled down a stone spiral staircase, which cautiously reminded you to “Mind your head” when the surface was uneven and “Uneven floor” after a brick had hit your head.

Art for An Atheist's Guide to the Afterlife

To avoid the downpour of hail, I clambered and skidded down the path, moments later to be confronted with the great mythological beast known as Cerberus.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


Dr Magnamaby is a theoretical physicist at the London College of Hypothetical Science. His papers on the tangled cosmic helix, swirly black bits in space, and the social habits of muon neutrinos have been widely praised and published in peer-reviewed journals. The smallest object in the asteroid belt, Magnamaby B4C1, is named after him.


J. R. Hampton is a writer based in Coventry, United Kingdom. His stories have appeared at Tethered by Letters, Flash Fiction Magazine, Hoot, and The Flash Fiction Press. He writes sci-fi, humor, and mysteries.


Luke Spooner a.k.a. ‘Carrion House’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at www.carrionhouse.com.


“An Atheist’s Guide to the Afterlife” is © 2016 J. R. Hampton
Art accompanying story is © 2016 Luke Spooner

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Now Available – Fitting In: Historical Accounts of Paranormal Subcultures

Cover for Fitting In“Once we were all just people. Our culture was only an element of our complex being. Now, we are reduced to our origins.” — Amelia Fisher, “The Children of Echidna”

No one understands being an outsider like the people who have experienced it. Mad Scientist Journal has brought together twenty-six tales of people who have lived in a world that doesn’t accept them. Some face their situation with humor, others less so. Vampires, werewolves, and changelings share space in these pages with gorgons, natukkong, jiangshi, and rokurokubi.

Included in this collection are stories from Ali Abbas, Marina Belli, Jimmy Bernard, Elisa A. Bonnin, Maureen Bowden, Darin M. Bush, Garrett Croker, Jordan Davies, Laura Duerr, Amelia Fisher, Sean Frost, Mathew Allan Garcia, Lucinda Gunnin, Rhiannon Held, Valjeanne Jeffers, Michael M. Jones, S. Qiouyi Lu, John A. McColley, Ville Meriläinen, Timothy Nakayama, Adam Petrash, Jennifer R. Povey, Darren Ridgley, Erin Sneath, J. C. Stearns, and Stuart Webb. Interior art is provided by Errow Collins, GryphonShifter, Amanda Jones, Shannon Legler, and Ariel Alian Wilson.

Available for purchase at these fine retailers:

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Your Star

A notice from the Ad Hoc Committee for Stellar Distribution, as provided by Daniel Hudon
Art by Ariel Alian Wilson


Somewhere in the Galaxy, our galaxy, the Milky Way, your star shines. It was assigned to you when you were born, and its light has been traveling the vast spans of interstellar space since long before then. From the time when Babylonian priests looked up from their ziggurats more than three thousand years ago, astronomers have been compiling star catalogues, and at their general assembly, held every three years, they parcel out the stars to all new members of humanity like confetti, making sure that everyone gets one.

Many people live their whole lives without ever knowing they have their own star. These are the same people who don’t know that they have their own tree (somewhere on the Earth) or their own species of beetle (even if they have to share).

Because astronomers have much other business to attend to at their meeting, like understanding the nature of dark matter, or the latest evidence for dark energy, which is slowly tearing the universe apart, the announcement of the delegation of stars is scheduled simultaneously with other sessions where important research breakthroughs are sure to be announced. In 2006, it was bumped off the agenda entirely to allow more time for the debate that ultimately led to the demotion of the planet Pluto.

Consequently, those who find out they have their own star often discover the news by accident. They stumble across an announcement on the Internet, see an ad in the Classified section of the newspaper, or receive an anonymous email on their twenty-fifth birthday with a text that reads only: “Have you found your star yet?”

Art for "Your Star"

“How will I know it’s mine?” you ask.


To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2016 collection.


The Ad Hoc Committee for Stellar Distribution meets irregularly but frequently in order to keep up with the increasing number of Earthlings. Because Earth’s birth rate far exceeds the stellar birth rate, Committee members are presently discussing how to handle running out of stars to assign to new Earthlings. In addition, a large project of the Committee is to put its formidable catalogues in the Cloud with the idea of encouraging people to help others find their star. Although not Committee members have found their star, we are assured all are looking.


Daniel Hudon is a product of the Big Bang, stardust, and evolutionary biology, in that order. He’s a pessimist on intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, and an optimist for finding intelligent life on Earth. He is going to keep writing prose and poetry, and posting links to danielhudon.com, at least until he finds his star. Then he’s going to retire and watch soccer full time.


Ariel Alian Wilson is a few things: artist, writer, gamer, and role-player. Having dabbled in a few different art mediums, Ariel has been drawing since she was small, having always held a passion for it. She’s always juggling numerous projects. She currently lives in Seattle with her cat, Persephone. You can find doodles, sketches, and more at her blog www.winndycakesart.tumblr.com.


“Your Star” is © 2016 Daniel Hudon
Art accompanying story is © 2016 Ariel Alian Wilson

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