A Few Simple Instructions Regarding the Proper Methods of Weather Control

A Public Letter by Professor Aldous Vogelsong, as provided by Antonio Urias
Art by Leigh Legler

Since its publication last spring, Agnes Blackmore’s A Few Simple Instructions Regarding the Proper Methods of Weather Control has caused a great deal of discussion, and no small amount of turmoil. I have been reluctant, thus far, to enter into the discussion, because the tone of the debate has been childish at times, and the content, ironically, somewhat outside my field of expertise. I looked upon the furor caused by Ms. Blackmore’s little book with tolerant amusement, and perhaps a smidgeon of disdain. Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that as a result, weather control has been very much in the public eye of late, and that it is incumbent on me, as the premier authority on Practical Meteoromancy in the country, to make some comment.

It appears that even the very existence of such a pamphlet as Ms. Blackmore’s was sufficient to cause an uproar among certain learned, and indeed unlearned, men. Men like Harvey A. Crackanthorpe, Timothy Pearsall, the Rev. Earnest Watkins, and legions of others have objected on principle to a woman controlling the weather. It is unladylike behavior, and moreover a menace to society. Many of Ms. Blackmore’s admirers have exhibited a similar lack of restraint. Epithets such as the “Bawling Brotherhood” and the “Scum-Woman,” amongst others far less polite, have been thrown about with reckless abandon, reducing entire swaths of the argument to puerile name-calling.

Men like Harvey A. Crackanthorpe, Timothy Pearsall, the Rev. Earnest Watkins, and legions of others have objected on principle to a woman controlling the weather. It is unladylike behavior, and moreover a menace to society. Many of Ms. Blackmore’s admirers have exhibited a similar lack of restraint. Epithets such as the “Bawling Brotherhood” and the “Scum-Woman,” amongst others far less polite, have been thrown about with reckless abandon, reducing entire swaths of the argument to puerile name-calling.

To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Summer 2014 collection.

Professor Aldous Vogelsong is the Chair of Practical Meteoromancy at St. Antinore’s College, Cambridge. He is the author of The Art of Meteoromancy, a nine-volume magical compendium, and is the editor of The Journal of Modern Magical Studies. A confirmed bachelor, Vogelsong has devoted his life to St. Antinore’s College and his chosen field of study. He lives alone in his apartments at St. Antinore.

Antonio Urias is a New Yorker born and bred. He was raised on a steady diet of grapes and books, often fantasy, and spent an inordinate amount of time telling stories, often involving cowboys. Not much has changed in the intervening years. He still loves grapes. He still loves fantasy. And he’s still telling stories, though these days there are less cowboys and more magic. He can sometimes be found at his blog at http://antoniourias.wordpress.com.

Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.