An letter by Lisa Mullins, PhD, as provided by Julia K. Patt Art by Dawn Vogel Greetings Fellow Plodder in the Academic Trenches, If you’ve received this binder, it means you have had the misfortune of being assigned BIO 457 as your T.A. post for the semester. My sincere condolences. I was once like you–beleaguered and...
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From the desk of Doctor Gracie McMillian Doctor of Psychological Operations, Germ Warfare, Cloning, and Floral Arranging: Schrodinger–Milgram Research Laboratory As provided by Allison Spector Art by Justine McGreevy TO: Dr. Olivia Carter; Dr. James Peterson; Dr. Wanda Hickenlooper; Mr. & Mrs. Lilith Stein; Chief Inspector Patricia Jordan; Mr. Waggles the Sentient Canine; Experiments 313 (Ted), 345 (Sven), 932 (Annie)...
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A letter by J. Julian Watson, as provided by his cousin, Dana Mele Art by Errow Collins Dear Family and Friends, Happy holidays from the Watson family! As always, this December delivers swirling snow, crowded malls, and another annual update from Julian, Molly, Hunter, and Tesla. It’s been a year, and so much has...
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A letter by Hansel Calloway, as provided by Church Lieu Art by Justine McGreevy To Whom It May Concern: It has come to my attention that my most recent paper, as published in the Vanguard journal on applied artificial intelligence, drew incomplete conclusions from my experimental data. I would like to offer my greatest,...
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An essay by Dr. Ogden “Professor Omicron” O’Hare, as provided by Matt Largo Art by Luke Spooner Fellow members of the scientific community, I realize even by drawing that association, I will surely raise more than a few eyebrows. Perhaps some of you have already stopped reading. Perhaps some of you stopped at my...
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A letter from Richard Lexon, as provided by Sierra July Art by Dawn Vogel Dear Gabby: I understand that this is a question/answer column, but you must share this with your readers. It’s essential. The paper you hold is a special alloy that will transcend space and time when printed, convert to every language...
Read more →A Public Letter by Professor Aldous Vogelsong, as provided by Antonio Urias Art by Leigh Legler Since its publication last spring, Agnes Blackmore’s A Few Simple Instructions Regarding the Proper Methods of Weather Control has caused a great deal of discussion, and no small amount of turmoil. I have been reluctant, thus far, to...
Read more →An essay by Professor August Flemming, as provided by David Neilsen Art by Leigh Legler Respected Board Members, It is with great urgency that I reach out one final time in an attempt to dissuade the Board from its calamitous decision to withhold further funding for my project. Mrs. Davis’s injuries aside, the fact...
Read more →A letter by an unnamed employee, as provided by T.J. Tranchell Art by Katie Nyborg Dear Mr. Myrbo, You don’t know me, but I know you. I’m an employee. That’s why I won’t sign my name to this letter. That would put my job at risk. You have to know how far you can...
Read more →An essay by Dr. Zora Next, as delivered to the Press by Brandon Miller Art by Luke Spooner Dear My Concerned Public: I want to take this opportunity to clear up the misconceptions about the events of April 20, 2013, at the Carson City water reservoir. My former assistant, Gregory, has been telling his...
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