Product Review: Chronochill

As provided by Joachim Heijndermans
Art by Dawn Vogel


Product Name: Chronochill Max Duozone® – Black Version
Price: $389,95 & free shipping
Customer Rating: *** with 85 customer reviews
In Stock.

Product Description:
Item Weight:  39lbs/ 17kg.
Shipping Weight:  49lbs/ 22kg.
Manufacturer: Chronochill LTD.
ASIN: B008HFSSB2.
Item Model Nr: 866339266CC.

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Product Information: Temporal Shift Refrigerator. For those wizards in the kitchen who just can’t stand it when the food in their fridge goes bad, even after storing it just two days ago. The Duozone® from Chronochill prevents food from spoiling, melting, and being affected by frostbite or any other side effect that comes with the common fridge. Most refrigerators use cold air to keep food fresh, but moisture buildup eventually takes its toll on fruit, meat, and vegetables. By freezing your food within a single moment in time and storing it in a temporal shift zone, the Duozone® preserves anything you place inside it in its original status. You too will love having your meals preserved the ultimate way, locked within less than a second and still as fresh as the moment you stored it.

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Art for "Product Review: Chronochill"

By freezing your food within a single moment in time and storing it in a temporal shift zone, the Duozone® preserves anything you place inside it in its original status.

Customer Reviews

DaisyDeez75: I bought mine last year, and I absolutely love it. Love, love, love it. My strawberries and blueberries always seemed to get moldy in my old fridge. Now I can actually store my meals for months. I had fresh summer fruit for x-mas. How wild is that? Love it. Recommend it to everyone. Five stars.

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HarryFires02: It’s not really a fridge, is it? I put a beer in mine that I’d left out on my patio, and a few weeks later it was still lukewarm. Major design flaw. Getting a real fridge next time. No stars.

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KaKay-zen: @HarryFires02 You know you can install a new temperature once you put your beer inside, right?

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HarryFires02: @KaKay-zen Found it. Thanks. Works like a dream. Five stars.

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KaKay-zen: @HarryFires02 No problem.

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ROYDEEp: I like how much I can store inside. I’ve been able to cook entire courses weeks in advance, and then serve them still piping hot. Good deal. Four stars.

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HarryFires02: Okay, so I managed to get the temp right, but now my six-pack of beer I put in there is gone. Like, vanished gone. No-one took it out, so I have no idea what happened to it. What is up with this piece of junk? Zero stars.

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84FreeZone: Does anyone else have problems with the noise it makes? It’s not a constant thing, but in the middle of the night, it keeps going off. It’s annoying. Do love the rest of it. I just finished the tempura I got at the hibachi place near me a month ago, and it’s still crunchy and warm. Three stars.

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KathyGibbs: @HarryFires02 Is your name Harold Fines? Because if so, I think I have your beer. I found it this morning in my fridge with a receipt on it. I have no idea how it got there.

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BenSuller: I hate this thing. Hate it! Tried it. Returned it immediately. Stupid Japanese crap. Zero Stars.

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HiJiNx453: @BenSuller Chronochill is a Finnish/Danish company. Dumbass.

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BenSuller: [Comments removed by moderator]

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HiJiNx453: @BenSuller you kiss your wife with that mouth?

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BenSuller: [Comments removed by moderator]

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HarryFires02: @KathyGibbs It is. How did my beer end up in your fridge? What is up with this thing?

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Lolzcaty$$: @HarryFires02 You’re not the only one. I made a casserole, put it in right out of the oven, and the next day it was gone.

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HohoHi: @HarryFires02 @Lolzcaty$$ Same here. My pizza vanished. But there was a casserole in its place. Is that yours?

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HiJiNx453: Ok, this is weird. Why does the food keep jumping around? Someone should call Chronochill and complain.

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ScarfaceSHTMLF: Mine works like a dream. No issues and great food. Five stars.

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KathyGibbs: Throwing it out there, but is anyone missing some vintage bottles of Bordeaux? I think I have them. I feel really bad, and I want to return them to their rightful owner. Also, getting rid of my Duozone.

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HohoHi: Woke up today and checked my fridge. Why is there a snow globe in it? WTF Chronochill?

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Blerra2002: @KathyGibbs Those would be mine, I think. I’ll post pics of them before I lost them. Also, I have Larry Thilbert’s heart medication. Tried to find you, but there’s seven Larry Thilberts in my state alone. Please contact me.

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HohoHi: I’m getting rid of my Duozone. This last week, I kept finding something new every morning. It was funny until today, when I found “samples” that someone stored in there. I pray to God they were either from a lab or for medical testing, because if not, shame on you sir.

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Genndy Wazlow: No idea what the fuss is about. Love my Duozone. Don’t like the color though, but whatever. Four stars.

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KaKay-zen: @Genndy Wazlow You know it comes in different colors, right?

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HarryFires02: I hope they’re gonna do a recall. Mine got taken in for evidence. Not getting a new one, even if they do fix the glitch. Zero stars.

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84FreeZone: @HarryFires02 What happened? Did the cops take it? If so, why?

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HarryFires02: @84FreeZone I put lettuce in it. Got a different kind of head in it the next day. Some psycho put it in his Duozone. Nearly had a heart attack. I’m just hoping the cops believe me, even with the statement by Chronochill. Like I said: zero stars.

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Click here to read 57 further comments.

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Chronochill LTD, founded in 2093, has been the top brand in temporal food storage. After the success of their first Chrono-depot and the acquisition of their first chained-restaurant contract (the event that led to the end of the McWars, and the final nail in the coffin for Burger Queen/Gwendy’s Jr.), Chronochill has recently expanded with home-based temporal refrigeration units. Despite the controversy regarding this move, Chronochill LTD has sold over 60,000 units last march.


Joachim Heijndermans writes, draws, and paints nearly every waking hour. Originally from the Netherlands, he’s been all over the world, boring people by spouting random trivia. His work has been featured in a number of publications, such as Every Day Fiction, Asymmetry Fiction, Gathering Storm Magazine, Hinnom Magazine, and The Gallery of Curiosities, and he’s currently in the midst of completing his first children’s book. You can check out his other work at www.joachimheijndermans.com, or follow him on Twitter: @jheijndermans.


Dawn Vogel writes and edits both fiction and non-fiction. Her academic background is in history, so it’s not surprising that much of her fiction is set in earlier times. By day, she edits reports for historians and archaeologists. In her alleged spare time, she runs a craft business, co-edits Mad Scientist Journal, and tries to find time for writing. She is a member of Broad Universe, SFWA, and Codex Writers. Her steampunk series, Brass and Glass, is being published by Razorgirl Press. She lives in Seattle with her awesome husband (and fellow author), Jeremy Zimmerman, and their herd of cats. Visit her at historythatneverwas.com.


“Product Review: Chronochill” is © 2018 Joachim Heijndermans
Art accompanying story is © 2018 Dawn Vogel

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2 Responses to Product Review: Chronochill

  1. John Timm says:

    Very clever story, both in the premise and in the execution.

  2. Michael Peach says:

    Clever and fun!

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