• Don’t Miss Today’s Webinar on ExitZ, the World’s Only Zombie Employee Offboarding Software Solution

    by  • December 25, 2017 • Fiction • 1 Comment

    A webinar by Margot Sanchez, as provided by Jessie Kwak
    Art by Luke Spooner


    Good morning, everybody, and welcome to the webinar.

    My name is Margot, and I’m the chief training officer for GreenLeaf HR Solutions. Today I’m just going to be going over some of the features of ExitZ, the world’s only HR platform to combine a quick and painless zombie employee offboarding process with early warning analytics to prevent further infections of your team.

    Before we get started, I wanted to go over a couple of housekeeping items. First, I know you were all expecting to meet with our lead product innovator, Lauren. I’m sorry to say that, ah, Lauren isn’t feeling great right now, so I’ve got her notes, and I’m stepping in.

    You’re in good hands.

    Second, you should see a chat box to the right of the video. Can you all just let me know if you can see and hear me okay?

    Mario, thanks. Thanks, Joanna. Great. Trish, Manoush, awesome. Thanks, everybody.

    Paul, can you try closing your browser and relaunching the webinar? Everyone else seems to be seeing and hearing me fine. So just–

    Okay, well, it looks like he closed out. Hopefully he can join us in a minute.

    Okay.

    Well.

    While we’re waiting for Paul, I just want to let you all know that you can leave any questions you have for me in the chat box. My assistant, Inez, is going to be flagging them all for me, and I’ll answer them at the end. Okay?

    I’m going to jump right in with some quick GreenLeaf history, which you may or may not know.

    GreenLeaf has actually–you may know this–we’ve actually been developing Human Resources software solutions for over twenty years now. A lot of you are probably familiar with our flagship product, ZenHR.

    Just a quick show of hands, can you click the “raise hand” button in the chat if you’ve used–or use–ZenHR?

    Joanna, it’s in the lower–sorry, let me check–yeah, the lower left part of the chat screen.

    Oh, and hi, Paul, glad you can hear me now.

    Technology, right, it’s amazing except for when it’s not working!

    So, back to the history. About two years ago, when the first cases of zombieism were reported in Missoula, GreenLeaf was one of the first to realize just what a challenge it was going to be for HR directors to offboard zombie employees. Our product was actually in beta by the time the outbreak had gone national, and I’m proud to say we have over 3,500 users today.

    Including, hopefully, you folks. So, thanks for checking out the webinar.

    We’ve designed the survey with really basic yes or no questions and word associations that most Level I zombies can still comprehend. We worked with some of the best zombie psychologists and instructional designers to come up with this, and it’s really actually very effective.


    To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2017 collection.


    Margot Sanchez was CTO of GreenLeaf HR Solutions until she contracted an unfortunate case of zombieism. If you have any questions about ZenHR, ExitZ, or any of our other innovative HR software solutions please address them to her assistant, Inez Martin, who will be taking over her duties for the time being.


    Jessie Kwak is a B2B marketing copywriter and novelist who sometimes amuses herself by imagining how much more lively corporate communications would be during the time of the zombie apocalypse. Her short fiction has appeared in Bikes in Space vols 1-4, and you can find her paranormal and gangster sci-fi novels on her website, jessiekwak.com.


    Luke Spooner, a.k.a. ‘Carrion House,’ currently lives and works in the South of England. Having recently graduated from the University of Portsmouth with a first class degree, he is now a full time illustrator for just about any project that piques his interest. Despite regular forays into children’s books and fairy tales, his true love lies in anything macabre, melancholy, or dark in nature and essence. He believes that the job of putting someone else’s words into a visual form, to accompany and support their text, is a massive responsibility, as well as being something he truly treasures. You can visit his web site at www.carrionhouse.com.


    “Don’t Miss Today’s Webinar on ExitZ, the World’s Only Zombie Employee Offboarding Software Solution” is Copyright 2017 Jessie Kwak
    Art accompanying story is Copyright 2017 Luke Spooner


    This story originally appeared in Business as Usual: Corporate Communications in the Zombie Apocalypse.

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    One Response to Don’t Miss Today’s Webinar on ExitZ, the World’s Only Zombie Employee Offboarding Software Solution

    1. Andrew Kennett
      December 27, 2017 at 5:23 pm

      Fabulous

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