An essay by Judge Salvadore Ironfist, as provided by K. G. Jewell
Art by Leigh Legler
BE IT REMEMBERED on July 23, 2013, the Court held a hearing in the above-styled cause, and the parties appeared with counsel.
In January 2010, Malcolm Weaselbearer was hired by Xavier del Toro, Dark Sorcerer 9th Level, as an apprentice. The employment contract was the standard form promulgated by the Dark Arts Guild, and includes an enforcement clause demanding the transmutation of a breaching party into a rabbit. Both Mr. Weaselbearer and Src. del Toro willingly signed the contract in blood.
In addition to his arcane dark sorcery practice, Src. del Toro sells mundane services as “MagicMan, The Amazing Party Magician.” In this capacity, Src. del Toro utilized Mr. Weaselbearer as a balloon wrangler, i.e., an assistant that inflates balloons for Src. del Toro to construct into animal-shaped sculptures. The parties agree that Mr. Weaselbearer has spent the entirety of his apprenticeship balloon-wrangling.
Mr. Weaselbearer initiated this suit to terminate his employment contract, claiming Src. Del Toro has failed to uphold his duty under the contract to “reveal the secrets of the arcane dark arts.” Mr. Weaselbearer asserts the MagicMan business merely provides cash flow to Src. del Toro’s otherwise failing sorcery practice, and balloon-wrangling is not an arcane technique.
Src. del Toro represents the MagicMan business is essential to the dark arts, providing access to children’s minds to subvert to evil ways. Src. del Toro has initiated a counter-claim, charging that Mr. Weaselbearer stole Src. del Toro’s intellectual property and has been selling Src. del Toro’s balloon dragon designs in competition to Src. del Toro. Src. del Toro submits Exhibit A, his dragon, and Exhibit B, Mr. Weaselbearers’ dragon.
The Dark Arts Guild has filed an amicus brief in this matter, advocating that the language of their standard-form employment contract should be held inviolate. They believe this language grants del Toto unilateral power to teach the dark arts as he sees fit, and warn that a finding against del Toro would undermine the guild’s authority over apprentice labor. A possible repercussion of this would be many smelly sorcerers, as laundry is a traditional apprentice task.
To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Spring 2015 collection.
Judge Salvadore Ironfist has presided over the 12th District Arcane Court for the last four decades. If you can’t find his courtroom, you aren’t supposed to be there.
K. G. Jewell lives and writes in Austin, Texas. He bakes a mean boule. His website, which is rarely updated, is lit.kgjewell.com.
Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.Follow us online: