Corpse Interred in Mozart’s Tomb Might Not Be Mozart, Authorities Say

An essay by Dr. Mafilia Malavoz, as provided by Diana Parparita
Art by Justine McGreevy

When cloning the dead by using bone matter became a reality–a process known as “creating a monozygous twin”–many thought of bringing the illustrious dead back to life so they could continue their work and bring us a wealth of new masterpieces. The procedure has met with various degrees of success. But while Jane Austen writes depressing yet critically acclaimed novels about bitter middle-class families impoverished by the economic crisis in a dreary urban setting, and Mr. Churchill nearly plunged us into World War Three last week, the man thought to be Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart has produced nothing in his 30 years of existence.

Mr. Mozart, who was recently committed to a rehabilitation clinic following a near-deadly cocaine overdose, has been subsidized by the Austrian government since birth, receiving a steady income as part of their National Monument Preservation Program, but now authorities say his monthly allowance may be revoked. An anonymous source has informed us that after thirty years of sterile creativity, many question whether the man, nicknamed Wolfy by the general public, is indeed the clone of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

Meanwhile, online communities report rumors that Wolfy might be the anonymous genius behind the underground internet sensation “The Death Wolves,” whose death-metal-folk-rock-screamthesizer songs are hailed by fans as better than Metallica and Rammstein’s love child, and deemed by classical music fans as worse than Metallica and Rammstein nailed together with Nine Inch Nails.

To read the rest of this story, check out the Mad Scientist Journal: Autumn 2014 collection.

Dr. Mafilia Malavoz has earned public acclaim, worldwide renown, and her Ph.D. in both Journalism and Anthropology with her thesis on Gossip as the Oldest Form of Journalism. She currently lives in Washington, D.C., with her cat, goldfish, and three potted sunflowers. She knits, collects seashells, and writes articles for scientific journals in her spare time. She would love to tell you what she does for a living too, but then several foreign governments would have to kill you.

Diana Parparita has always had an interest in genetics, ever since discovering that she would have had an actual chance of being a tall and slender natural blonde with blue eyes had she not lost the genetic lottery. She comforts herself with having inherited a good brain and a tolerable dose of imagination. She lives in Bucharest, Romania, and insists upon writing in English in spite of never having traveled to an English-speaking country. She also insists on working the night shift so she can jokingly refer to writing as her “day job.”

Justine McGreevy is a slowly recovering perfectionist, writer, and artist. She creates realities to make our own seem slightly less terrifying. Her work can be viewed at http://www.behance.net/Fickle_Muse and you can follow her on Twitter @Fickle_Muse.